Emptying out my Closet

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I have been putting off packing for the longest time. However, Sunday dawned bright and shiny, and there was no reason to NOT give into my conscience, and finally dig into the task, and so that’s exactly what I did. 

One of the rooms in our house has been completely overtaken by suitcases of every size and colour. And they are ALL half-full. Looks like a complete mess, but there really is nothing to be done about it. It’ll only be wrapped up 3 hours before the flight – I know from experience. A couple of the suitcases are for me to take to the new house (immediate winter wardrobe for when we’re back), and the rest is stuff to take to Delhi. 

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So I finally opened up my overflowing closet to pack and purge. Thankfully I did a LOT of both, and I feel so good!! I fired up my Mac and watched back to back TV shows as I worked – really helped me with my pace. (Though I suspect my Mom’s yelling only helped with the speed!).

By evening I was standing in front of an empty closet.

And the tears just came.

The sudden realization that I am PACKING – not to leave on a holiday, but to LEAVE my home came like a huge thump in my chest. Standing in the middle of my room with my stuff all around me suddenly felt like standing in a cocoon with my parents’ love wrapped all around me. To be leaving all this… it can be so hard.

I found a huge stash of greeting cards in that closet, and I couldn’t resist a peek. There were my birthday cards from my family since forever, stubs from a movie we had gone to see , receipts for the earrings I got on my 16th birthday from Mom Dad. The first iPhone that Mom Dad got after I complained that I really really really need one, a note by my baby brother in his childish scrawl, pictures of a family holiday… A lifetime of memories – and I just really want to hang on at this point. Just want to pause these moments … want to be a just a daughter for some more time.

 Realizing that I will no longer be at the dinner table every night, nor will I be hanging around Mom in the kitchen, or lounging with Dad on the terrace or yakking with my brother in his room is a sobering one.

It is a testament to how much I love A that I am willing to leave this – couldn’t have done it for another guy. 

We went shopping this weekend and I came home with a ton of bedding. On the way out, my Mom stopped to look at a dress – it must have been for a 12 year old girl. She turned to me and said my little girl was in these dresses just yesterday – you’ve grown up too fast. It took all my self control to walk out of that mall dry eyed. 

Weddings are emotional, and doubly so for the bride and her family. It is exciting to look forward to the life ahead, but equally hard to leave behind everything else. Such is life. 

However, on a brighter note – we got the condo we wanted 😀

The real estate agent called in the evening to give me the news and it was very happily received. After the sad day I’d had, here was something really awesome! So the condo is on the 23rd floor with a gorgeous view. It was the master bedroom that sold me on it. It has an entire wall of floor to ceiling glass, and the view is amazing. There is a stream and trees right under your feet – and twinkling city lights all the way to the horizon.  That REALLY perked me up and I surveyed my packing again to check what will be sent to the new house. 

Picked up the box of cards again and this time I saw others – A’s first ever card to me – a “Sorry” one (yes we had gotten off on the wrong foot back then!), anniversary cards, movie tickets, framed pictures, folded up Toblerone chocolate boxes he’d gotten for me from Singapore….. just a whole bunch of stuff. It made me smile and I was thankful at that moment that I am only moving from one loving home to another. My family will forever be a part of me and no one can change that. But this is also the time to give A and I our space, to give us our wings. 

This is a bittersweet ride for sure. If there is one thing I learnt today it is that I will need waterproof mascara for the wedding. It’s going to be a weepy vidaai!

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13 thoughts on “Emptying out my Closet

  1. your post always me go ‘aawwww’

    totally know how you feel,, although I still have time to do my packing my mom is on my tail to pack up things that I have to take, just to get the job finished, but I am putting it off, dont want to look at an empty room.

    I am leaving behind some of my things at home just so that I never really ‘leave’ leave.

    • Thanks! Im doing the same- leaving my summer clothes behind. My room will still remain mine, no matter how much my bro annoys me by saying that he’ll move in- i know he won’t.
      I always thought I’d not cry at my wedding- doesn’t look that way so far 😦

  2. Your post made me cry.In office.On a Monday Morning.an hour before I have to argue a matter!!
    Its beautiful and so true. I’m so scared of leaving home and hence I refuse to pack.
    xoxoxo.

    • Awww- sorry Mrinalini! But only a bride unsderstands another bride! Im sure you relate to all I wrote and are going through the same as well.
      Its a huge change for girls- more so than guys (A would try and fight that, but there is no comparison).

      • Don’t be! it was beautifully written! I know exactly what you mean..My boy thinks its a bigger change for him, he’s letting someone share his beloved TV remote!

  3. 😦 😦 i want to cry now!!! You guys are talking about packing things…i haven’t even started thinking about this! I’m moving 10 mins away from my house, so how soon do i need to start this process?
    And btw, this post is so beautifully written. I teared up, in OFFICE, as well! I don’t want to leave my home, but my want to move in with the boy is equally strong. Truly bittersweet.

    • The fact that you’re moving 10 mins away helps – but I suggest you get started. You will only get busier I promise. At least start to mentally determine what should be tossed and what should be kept. That’s how I did it. I had mentally “packed” so much that when I was actually doing it, it was so much easier because I knew exactly where I wanted something to be.

    • Lol no that’s not my closet. An empty closet does NOT mean a clean one! My closet floor is littered with bits and pieces of stuff right now. But yes – it is similar to the picture – having the hanger rods at only half the closet length saves some serious space!

  4. You made me cry too in office!! This is such a beautifully written post and everything that went through my heart while I was emptying my closet (for renovation but this had a dreadful feeling of permanancy to it as I was also getting rid of things which I wont be using post marriage) is jotted down in this post.

    Most of the days after gulping down the cup of milk kept on the table nicely covered with a coaster by my parents (at 6:30 am) I cry like a baby in the car on my way to office alone thinking no body can love me as much as they do!

  5. I read this post a bit late- don’t know how I missed it. It’s beautifully written and I know exactly how you feel..in fact the more the time comes nearer I am more depressed about leaving my parents than excited about the wedding.. Wonder if that’s normal! So you have my fullest empathy..

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