I have been putting off packing for the longest time. However, Sunday dawned bright and shiny, and there was no reason to NOT give into my conscience, and finally dig into the task, and so that’s exactly what I did.
One of the rooms in our house has been completely overtaken by suitcases of every size and colour. And they are ALL half-full. Looks like a complete mess, but there really is nothing to be done about it. It’ll only be wrapped up 3 hours before the flight – I know from experience. A couple of the suitcases are for me to take to the new house (immediate winter wardrobe for when we’re back), and the rest is stuff to take to Delhi.
So I finally opened up my overflowing closet to pack and purge. Thankfully I did a LOT of both, and I feel so good!! I fired up my Mac and watched back to back TV shows as I worked – really helped me with my pace. (Though I suspect my Mom’s yelling only helped with the speed!).
By evening I was standing in front of an empty closet.
And the tears just came.
The sudden realization that I am PACKING – not to leave on a holiday, but to LEAVE my home came like a huge thump in my chest. Standing in the middle of my room with my stuff all around me suddenly felt like standing in a cocoon with my parents’ love wrapped all around me. To be leaving all this… it can be so hard.
I found a huge stash of greeting cards in that closet, and I couldn’t resist a peek. There were my birthday cards from my family since forever, stubs from a movie we had gone to see , receipts for the earrings I got on my 16th birthday from Mom Dad. The first iPhone that Mom Dad got after I complained that I really really really need one, a note by my baby brother in his childish scrawl, pictures of a family holiday… A lifetime of memories – and I just really want to hang on at this point. Just want to pause these moments … want to be a just a daughter for some more time.
Realizing that I will no longer be at the dinner table every night, nor will I be hanging around Mom in the kitchen, or lounging with Dad on the terrace or yakking with my brother in his room is a sobering one.
It is a testament to how much I love A that I am willing to leave this – couldn’t have done it for another guy.
We went shopping this weekend and I came home with a ton of bedding. On the way out, my Mom stopped to look at a dress – it must have been for a 12 year old girl. She turned to me and said my little girl was in these dresses just yesterday – you’ve grown up too fast. It took all my self control to walk out of that mall dry eyed.
Weddings are emotional, and doubly so for the bride and her family. It is exciting to look forward to the life ahead, but equally hard to leave behind everything else. Such is life.
However, on a brighter note – we got the condo we wanted 😀
The real estate agent called in the evening to give me the news and it was very happily received. After the sad day I’d had, here was something really awesome! So the condo is on the 23rd floor with a gorgeous view. It was the master bedroom that sold me on it. It has an entire wall of floor to ceiling glass, and the view is amazing. There is a stream and trees right under your feet – and twinkling city lights all the way to the horizon. That REALLY perked me up and I surveyed my packing again to check what will be sent to the new house.
Picked up the box of cards again and this time I saw others – A’s first ever card to me – a “Sorry” one (yes we had gotten off on the wrong foot back then!), anniversary cards, movie tickets, framed pictures, folded up Toblerone chocolate boxes he’d gotten for me from Singapore….. just a whole bunch of stuff. It made me smile and I was thankful at that moment that I am only moving from one loving home to another. My family will forever be a part of me and no one can change that. But this is also the time to give A and I our space, to give us our wings.
This is a bittersweet ride for sure. If there is one thing I learnt today it is that I will need waterproof mascara for the wedding. It’s going to be a weepy vidaai!